surprises
 
want a surprise
that isn't nasty
nothing that catches fire
explodes or crashes
don't want a cop
at the front door
or the vice squad
on my roof
don't want to break down
fall down
smash up
wake up in the hospital
or a stranger's bed
don't need
any bad news phone calls
unexpected bills
or a letter from
somebody's lawyer
don't want to be the one
to find a dead man
on a mountain trail
washed up on the beach
or bobbing in the lake
like an oversized duck
don't want to
slip with a knife
while chopping carrots
or have a disease
named after me
don't want
the kind of surprise
that hurts
causes bleeding
nausea
diarrhea
nightmares
sexual dysfunction
comes with jail time
or premature death